Family and partners

The people closest to you are often the hardest to talk to. These pages give you a plan and the words.

Having a difficult conversation with a parentPick one topic, open gently, listen first, say how you see it with "I", and take a break if it heats up. Most of the evidence comes from couples, not parents.
- Evidence: Weak
- Takes: an evening to prepare, an hour to talk
Disagreeing with a partner without fightingStart softly, take a real break when your heart is racing, and look at the argument as a fair outsider would. Couples research supports each step, but the effects are modest.
- Evidence: Some
- Takes: 20 minutes to an hour
Apologizing properlySay what you did, say it was your fault, and offer to put it right. Skip the "if" and the "but". Listen first, and don't demand forgiveness.
- Evidence: Some
- Takes: 10 minutes to prepare, 10 to say it
Setting boundaries with familyDecide what you will and won't do, say it once, kindly and clearly, then stick to it. Research on this is thin; most of this page is sensible practice.
- Evidence: Weak
- Takes: an evening to decide, a few minutes to say it
Talking about moneyMoney arguments tend to come back and stay unresolved. Talk about it on purpose, at a calm time, about one decision, and start gently. The how-to advice is mostly untested.
- Evidence: Weak
- Takes: 30 minutes, once a month
Handling holidays with familyLower the stakes, plan your exits, go easy on alcohol, and have a few phrases ready to steer away from old arguments. Mostly common sense; little research tests it.
- Evidence: Common practice
- Takes: an evening to plan

Other situations: Work Social Hard stretches Everyday