feel-good.now

Comparing yourself to others

Comparing yourself with people who seem better off usually makes you feel worse. Notice it, compare with your own past instead, and cut back on the feeds that set it off.

Short answer

Everyone compares, and comparing with people who seem better off usually leaves you feeling worse. You can’t switch it off, but you can notice it, remind yourself what you’re actually seeing, compare with your own past instead, and spend less time on the feeds that set it off. Cutting back on social media has a small but real benefit in one large trial. The research on how you scroll is mixed.

Right now

  1. Name it. “I’m comparing my Tuesday with her holiday photos.” Saying what’s happening puts a bit of distance between you and the feeling.
  2. Remember what you’re looking at. A post, a promotion announcement or a wedding is one chosen moment. You’re comparing it with everything you know about your own life, including the dull and hard parts.
  3. Close the app or leave the page. If scrolling started it, more scrolling won’t fix it. Put the phone down and do something with your hands for five minutes.

Before

  • Know that it’s normal, and why it stings. A meta-analysis of more than 60 years of research found that people tend to choose to compare themselves with someone doing better, and that the usual reaction is to feel worse about themselves by contrast [1]. Comparing with someone doing worse tends to lift people’s view of themselves by a similar amount [1], but that’s not much of a strategy either.
  • Find your triggers. For a few days, note when the feeling shows up. Certain accounts? LinkedIn on a Sunday night? A particular friend’s news? You can only change what you notice.
  • Trim your feeds. Mute or unfollow accounts that reliably leave you feeling worse. You don’t have to explain it to anyone. See Phone and social media for more on setting limits.
  • Decide what matters to you. Comparison hurts most when you measure yourself against someone else’s goals. If you know your own priorities, someone else’s new car matters less. The values exercise can help.

During

When the comparison hits, try one of these:

  • Compare with your past self. Where were you a year ago? What have you learned or got through since then?
  • Turn envy into information. If someone’s life stings, ask what exactly you want. If it’s something you could work towards, write down one step. If it isn’t, let it go.
  • Count what you have. Write three specific things that are going fine. Gratitude exercises raise wellbeing by a small amount on average [6]. More on this in gratitude and savoring.
  • Remember the treadmill. People get used to new things quickly. The person with the bigger house is probably used to it by now. See the hedonic treadmill.

After

  • Check how you feel after time online. A quick note after a session (“better”, “same”, “worse”) shows you which apps leave you worse off.
  • Try a break. Take a week off the app that bothers you most and see what changes. Delete it from your phone so it’s not one tap away.
  • If you’ve been comparing for days, do something that’s yours: a skill you’re improving, time with someone who knows you well, or exercise (see liftgood.now). Doing things tends to beat measuring things.

Why this works

Comparison and social media. A meta-analysis found that comparing yourself with others on social media, especially with people who seem better off, was more strongly linked to low mood than time spent on the sites. But it rested on only five studies for comparison, and the data can’t show which comes first [2]. In a lab experiment and a phone-based field study, scrolling Facebook without interacting was followed by worse mood, partly through envy [3].

Passive vs active use is not settled. A 2022 review of 27 reviews found that meta-analyses using much the same studies disagreed about time spent, active use and passive use [4]. So treat “post and comment, don’t scroll” as a reasonable guess, not a rule.

Taking a break. The strongest evidence is a randomized trial with about 1,600 US Facebook users. Those paid to deactivate their account for four weeks before the 2018 election spent more time offline, including with friends and family, and reported slightly higher wellbeing. The effect was small, and it was no different for active and passive users [5].

Rated Some. The link between comparison and feeling worse is consistent across many studies. The evidence that cutting back on social media helps comes mainly from one large trial with a small effect, and most other studies are correlational.

Try this week

Pick the one app or site that most often leaves you comparing. Mute five accounts on it, or take it off your phone for seven days. At the end of the week, write one line: did you feel better, worse, or the same?

Sources

  1. [1]Gerber JP, Wheeler L, Suls J (2018). A social comparison theory meta-analysis 60+ years on. Psychological Bulletin. Systematic review / meta-analysis
  2. [2]Yoon S, Kleinman M, Mertz J, Brannick M (2019). Is social network site usage related to depression? A meta-analysis of Facebook-depression relations. Journal of Affective Disorders. Systematic review / meta-analysis
  3. [3]Verduyn P, Lee DS, Park J, et al. (2015). Passive Facebook usage undermines affective well-being: Experimental and longitudinal evidence. Journal of Experimental Psychology General. Intervention study
  4. [4]Valkenburg PM (2022). Social media use and well-being: What we know and what we need to know. Current Opinion in Psychology. Review
  5. [5]Allcott H, Braghieri L, Eichmeyer S, Gentzkow M (2020). The Welfare Effects of Social Media. American Economic Review. Randomized trial
  6. [6]Choi H, Cha Y, McCullough ME, et al. (2025). A meta-analysis of the effectiveness of gratitude interventions on well-being across cultures. PNAS. Systematic review / meta-analysis

Topics: Everyday, Comparison, Social Media, Envy, Gratitude

Sources checked 4 October 2026. Spot a mistake? Tell us.